Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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