The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
