I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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