When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
