Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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