I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
