There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
