I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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