Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
