chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
