So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
