If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk is not a location!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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