he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
