So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
