there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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