he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
