why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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