Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
