I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
