CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
