So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
