By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
