Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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