Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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