I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
