I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
