Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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