if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
