I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
