woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Two words: blizzard sex
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
