I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
