Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
