you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
