Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
