yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
