Your face is a jimmy john
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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