its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
