I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
