Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
