i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
