Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
