You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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