the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
