I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
