guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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