you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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