Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
