you traded sex for a burrito?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
