awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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