keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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