I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
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