is your mom at the bar?
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
