i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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