just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
