I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Randomize
