I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
