Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
