Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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