The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Soap is not a condiment
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
