Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
