I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
