yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
