so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
