I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
