I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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